No items found.
Intimate relationships are a fascinating thing, in that they are both rewarding and joyful at times, while also complicated and quite painful at other times. Couples often start out believing that their deep love for one another will make all other problems work themselves out. They want success, but often lack the awareness that they may have to change their thinking in order to see things differently and repair problems effectively when they begin to arise.
Our therapist believe that couples can grow by daring to change their thinking and behavior patterns and become closer. Over the years, I have found that there are a few core elements that actually offer couples the ability to change patterns and deepen their connection.
1- Couples must put aside the belief that their partner is perfect as they believed in the beginning, and recognize the strengths that the partner truly has as well as the deficits. This means accepting them for what they are as well as what they aren’t. That doesn’t mean one has to settle or compromise values, it just means you don’t lose sight of the strengths when disappointments arise.
2- Couples have to learn to let go of “being right.” In Terry Real’s RLT methodology, he teaches that “being right” is a losing strategy. Do you want to be right or be connected? Each partner has to let go of the idea of making the partner see things THEIR way and accept there are two perspectives because they are two very different people, each unique in their own way.
3- Couples MUST COMMIT to recognizing their part in the relationship problems. They must realize they have blind spots and are contributing to the conflicts or concerns by being triggered and reacting in ways that then trigger their partner. Partners come to relationships with adaptive skills that got them through tough times in their upbringing and were useful. However, they continue to use those in safe, loving relationships with their partners, and they no longer work well. Couples have to learn what those skill are and work to identify and change them. Otherwise the relationship becomes about blaming the partner and a “he said/she said” pattern arises.
4- Couples need to learn to speak assertively about their needs and not expect their partner to MIND READ. Couples also need to learn to respond and not react. Most couples struggle with triggering each other and causing an argument simply by the way the conversation begins. Gottman methodology teaches a Soft Start Up approach, using "I" statements instead of judgemental, attacking statements. These are the antidotes to harsh communication.
NEGC has highly trained, effective couples therapists who can work with you on these concepts and teach you the skills for a more loving, connected, calmer relationship. You can fill out one of our forms on our website and we will gladly match you with a qualified therapist to get your relationship on a better path right away. We love helping couples grow and change.