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The Comparison Trap
I am a part of a generation often labeled “millennial.” I had a childhood and adolescence without social media and was introduced to it in early adulthood. In my work as a therapist, I have noticed a recurring theme I call the “comparison trap.”
We all do it on some scale:
“She’s smarter than me.”
“He has so many more friends than I do.”
“I wish I was as happy as they are.”
With the surge in social media over the past decade, that comparison is exceptionally easy to make. You scroll through perfectly curated feeds showing people at their happiest and most attractive. You watch a TikTok vacation highlight reel where every frame is smiles and sunshine. You see an old classmate showing off a new relationship or career milestone.
It’s easy to start measuring yourself against these snapshots and focus on what you don’t have. The comparison trap is addictive, fueled by technology, and quietly taking a toll on mental health.
Here are six ways to build confidence and step out of the comparison trap—while improving your overall well-being:
1. Put down your phone (duh).
Yes, it’s obvious—but it still earns the top spot. And if you think it’s easy, think again. We’ve been conditioned to rely on our phones for everything: work, school, connection, shopping, entertainment—you name it. Start small with short phone-free moments in your day, then gradually stretch them into hours. Some people even commit to entire phone-free days. Experiment and see what works for your lifestyle.
2. Delete or set limits on social media apps.
If going phone-free feels too big, start with app limits. Setting time caps on social media can make you more aware of your habits and help break mindless scrolling. Those little reminders on your screen can be the nudge you need to set the phone down.
3. Set your intentions for social media use.
Social media isn’t inherently bad—it can be a wonderful way to connect with family, friends, and new people. But when you’re mindlessly scrolling, it’s easy to slip from connecting to comparing. Before you open an app, ask yourself: Am I connecting or comparing? Check in periodically while you scroll, too. That question can help you stay mindful of your purpose online.
4. Practice gratitude.
Whether it’s a daily journal or simply pausing to name something you’re grateful for, gratitude is a powerful antidote to comparison. When you focus on what you already have—rather than what others appear to have—it shifts your perspective and can improve your mood.
5. Try a new hobby or interest.
What have you always wanted to try—pickleball, crocheting, learning an instrument? You might need your phone for a tutorial at first, but once you get going, let the activity take center stage. Spending more time engaged in hands-on or active hobbies boosts confidence and supports well-being far better than endless scrolling.
6. Swap virtual connection for face-to-face time.
Think of one interaction you could replace with an in-person meet-up. Instead of liking vacation photos or sending a DM, ask that person to grab coffee or take a walk. Yes, it takes more effort—but real-life connection often brings more joy and fulfillment than digital interaction ever could.
Breaking free from the comparison trap isn’t about abandoning technology altogether—it’s about using it with intention and balance. By limiting screen time, staying mindful, and investing in real-life connections, you can shift your focus from what you lack to what truly matters.